


All Bets Are Off

by jezebel



Category: Queer as Folk (UK)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jezebel/pseuds/jezebel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart has never made a promise he can't keep, nor taken a bet he can't win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Bets Are Off

**Author's Note:**

> Warning at end (contains spoilers)

***  
"It's the greatest love story never told. Long after you're gone, he'll still have Vince, Stuart's little acolyte, poor sod. Vince can wait all he likes, but..."

"Fuck off, Lisa." Stuart said, interrupting her usual speech to whatever shag he had brought with him. Stuart knew that she had been caught out that one time with Cameron and yet it didn't seem to stop her from giving the same sermon to anyone that he brought around. It didn't help that he was working on Matt not for himself but for Vince. It was about time that he got another boyfriend. "We're friends, yeah. Nothing else."

"I don't look at my friends like that." Matt groused as he saw the threesome he had been thinking of go out the window. He'd always had a thing for Stuart, ever since he started at the post room in Thrive, but he knew that he was a wanker it was only when he met Vince that ideas started to brew.

"Come off it." Stuart argued. "Vince is my best friend, known him for years."

"And you've never..."

"Be like shagging my mother." Stuart replied with a shudder. " You've got to fancy him. Sure, I love him, he's my best friend. But never mind love, love can fuck off. If you fancy him, there's blood, there's a hard on, if just love him.."

"I think that Vince would find enough blood." Lisa said snidely. "What is it that Hazel said, you'd have shagged a letter box but not him'".

"Shut up, Lisa." Stuart said. "We don't go in for all that lesbian romance shit..."

"I wouldn't mind." Matt said under his breath as he thought about all of the times that he had woken up alone. Just once he'd like a relationship that lasted beyond breakfast.

"You were just scared that he would turn you down."

"Not me, I could pull anyone." Stuart said.

"Not Vince." Lisa replied.

"You want a bet?" Stuart asked sarcastically. It was a sure thing, Vince had been gagging for it for sixteen years and Stuart knew that all he had to do was look at his friend in the right way and Vince got a hard on, if he tried one ounce of the charm that he usually used he would get Vince in his bed. If it served to wind Lisa up then that would just add to his satisfaction.

"Oh, yes..." Lisa replied, a small smile on her face. "And I know exactly what I want to ask for when I win."

"Me too." Stuart replied, thinking of how many times he'd lost out to a tongue lashing from Lisa. When he fucked Vince into next week he'd have the lesbian eating her words for the rest of her life and have Romey on his good side in the process. This was a no lose situation.

***

***

"God, Vince, Hard on." Stuart said as he pulled his friend close to him from the dance floor and into the dark and quieter corner of Babylon. "Whip it out, give us a look."

"Fuck off." Vince said, although his voice wavered slightly as Stuart cupped his groin.

"I was thinking, we could go back to mine. Never did finish that threesome."

"Sod off." Vince said, with even less conviction than before.

"Or maybe Hazel was right, maybe we should cut out the middle man."

Vince really didn't want to be thinking about his mother as the object of his unrequited love stroked his hard cock through the rough material of his polyester trousers. He wanted to rip away the offending fabric and push himself further into Stuart's groping hands. The thought hit Vince immediately as he realised what he was doing and tried to pull away.

"Don't." Vince choked as he tried to move away from Stuart's roving hands. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried again. "Don't do this, Stuart. Don't tease me..."

"Come back to mine." Stuart said, whispering in Vince's ear as he would with any other conquest. Phil's words reverberated through Vince's mind 'what does he say to them…' and Vince realised that he knew, these were the magic words that Stuart had whispered a thousand times before and that was what gave Vince the power to pull away. Vince thought back to the conversation Stuart had with he and Nathan the night of yet another failed threesome.

"how many men have you had now?" Stuart asked Nathan.

Don't know, about seven?"

"Seven, shit. I must have had about Two Thousand and Seven..." Stuart said with his all-knowing grin.

"Yeah? That means I've got 2000 to go. How many have you got left?"

Thousands before him and now Stuart was working his way through those that were left. This was not what the way that he had imagined it happening, if it ever happened at all. Stuart had said that night that Vince wasn't exactly a good catch and Vince wondered whether it was just boredom that had changed Stuart's mind.

"Fuck off Stuart, I'd rather have a wank."

And with that Vince walked away, through the throngs of people on the dance floor, through the thousands that Stuart had already shagged and into the darkness outside.

***

***

"I can't believe you talked me into this." Stuart said harshly as he stood half-naked in Romey's bedroom.

"Now, now, Stuart. A bet is a bet."

"Bitch."

"None of that, Stuart. You said that you would agree to my terms if you couldn't shag Vince by Romey's birthday and from the wet-weekend look on his face I know that he hasn't been shagged in months."

"I'm not doing it."

"You have to." Lisa said. "Or else I'll fill Vince in on our little bet and he'll never talk to you again."

Stuart sighed. He hated that he had allowed her to get the upper hand. It should have been so easy and yet Vince had turned him down despite all indications that this was a bet that Stuart should have easily been able to win. Now he was about to embarrass himself in front of a crowd of their mutual friends, Vince included, because he had lost a stupid bet. Stuart never made bets he couldn't win, but he also never made a promise that he couldn't keep, and so he was about to make a complete fool of himself and ruin his reputation to live up to that.

"I'd better go before anyone notices I'm gone but I'll see you in a minute." Lisa said. "I'll leave you to finish getting ready, if you know what I mean." She said with a sarcastic wink and then left him.

Stuart wondered how he would get out of this with his manhood intact.

***

***

"Gather round, bit of hush. Romey, you ready for this?" Alex asked in his full Miss Alexander Savage gear (aka Hazel's blue dress). "Ladies and Gentlemen, for one night only, on the occasion of Miss Romey Sullivan's fortieth...Sorry, Miss Romey Sullivan's birthday...I give you, Ms Alana Jones."

There was a gasp as from around the corner, dressed in a long Chinese silk dress, wearing elbow length gloves and high heels strutted a man that no-one ever thought that they would see in drag, looking better than anyone could imagine with glossy black curls and a face of immaculate make up.

Alex handed his protégé a microphone and as an awestruck room watched in amazement the music started and Alana Jones also known as Stuart Alan Jones began to sing.

"Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life  
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife  
I've no doubt you dream about the things you never do  
But, I wish someone hadda talked to me  
Like I wanna talk to you...

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run  
I took the hand of the preacher man and we made love in the sun  
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free  
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away  
'Coz I have this need to tell you, why I'm all alone today  
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes  
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies....

Ooh, I've been to Nice,   
and the Isle of Greece where I sipped champagne on a yacht  
Moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo   
and showed them what I've got  
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things  
that a person ain't supposed to see  
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

Stuart stepped down off his make shift stage in the foyer of the house and stepped towards Romey, looking her straight in the eye as he switched to spoken words.

Hey, Do you know what paradise is?  
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be  
But you know what truth is?  
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that woman you fought with this morning  
The same one you're going to make love with tonight  
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children  
that might have made me complete  
But I, I took the sweet life, and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet  
I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free  
Hey lady......  
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

 

As Alana finished her song and the music stopped she took a slight bow and the room broke from its silent stupor into rapturous applause. They were still applauding, and demanding an encore, when Stuart retreated to the relative safety of Romey's room and raced to rid himself of the garments he was wearing. He was down to stockings and underwear when Vince found him, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

Stuart didn't turn, instead he put one foot on the bed, ready to undress further but found that a hand at the top of his stocking stopped him.

"Well, I have to say that you made quite an impression out there." Vince said as he pressed himself against Stuart's back. "I never knew you had it in you."

"Vince..."

"I certainly didn't know that you shared this particular fetish with Alexander. If I did then perhaps I wouldn't have turned you down the other night..."

"What...I mean..."

"Come on now Stuart, surely you didn't think that Alex dressing up for my thirtieth was just for show?" Vince asked. "Of course you weren't there for my twenty-first, off at University and far too busy to see me..."

"Vince, I..."

Stuart stopped when Vince reached down and cupped Stuart's groin, covered only by a pair of silk panties designed to hide his manhood.

"I never thought that you would like it too." Vince replied.

"It's just the silk." Stuart hissed as Vince rubbed the material against his restrained cock that was already hard. ""I didn't want to dress up like that, it was a bet, with Lisa..."

"But it isn't just the silk. You love to be watched too, don't you." Vince answered as his hand continued to torment Stuart's imprisoned dick. "That attention you got from everyone during your performance, you loved every second of it, don't try to deny it Stuart. I know you Stuart, better than you know yourself."

"It was just..."

"A bet, yes, I know." Vince replied. "You can keep telling yourself that as much as you want but it doesn't make it anymore true."

"Vince..." Stuart begged, through gritted teeth.

"Never did get to finish that wank." Vince said as he slid his hand under the silky briefs and cupped Stuart's balls. Skin to skin now, the tip of his cock grazing silk Stuart could hardly bear it and whimpered as he felt Vince begin to slowly wank his shaft. "You loved it, didn't you? The power of knowing that you got me, on edge, almost bringing me over and then making me tuck it away and pretending like it never happened. Who has the power now, Stuart? Who is in charge?"

"You are..."

"Who is, Stuart? Say my name?" Vince said as he hastened his pace, quickening things as he continued to speak into Stuart's ear, pressing his own hardness against the silk thong that barely covered Stuart's hole.

Stuart groaned, knowing that he would not last long and felt Vince thrust against him, felt the silk slip into his crack and rub against his opening.

"Vince...Oh, God, Vince..." Stuart sobbed as he came, his breath coming in pants now as he fought the second wave of desire that passed through him.

"What a naughty little girl you are," Vince said as he wiped his hand off on Stuart's underwear and pulled them down his thighs. "You should know that you'll never get these stains out of silk."

"I don't care." Stuart said as he tried to regain control.

"Such a wanton whore, so careless, can't even get fully undressed." Vince said, keeping up the act of confidence that Stuart had not seen in sixteen years of friendship. "Well, you're going to undress for me now, aren't you, Alana?"

"Vince, I don't...I'm not..."

"Oh, but you can't want to be Stuart?" Vince said playfully. "Stuart would never let me fuck him. Stuart Alan Jones doesn't do boyfriends and anyway I'm only looking for a wife!"

"Vince..."

Vince stopped the interruption with a searing kiss, pushing Stuart back on the bed and starting to roll the stocking down Stuart's leg.

"Hush, love." Vince said softly against Stuart's mouth. "This is my fantasy, you don't get to interrupt me."

Stuart realised that whatever was going on in Vince's mind this was not anything more than a scene and that if he wanted to come again then he would have to play along. His cock was already rock hard again and Stuart wasn't about to argue.

"You're right." Stuart said petulantly. "I've been naughty. I deserve to be punished."

"Oh, you will be." Vince answered, "but not before I take my pleasure. I think I've waited long enough to fuck your tight little arse, and you've been asking for it shaking it at me like a little harlot."

Vince finished undressing Stuart and positioned him on his back on the bed, Stuart tried to fight but Vince overpowered him and pinned him so that he was spread-eagled on the bed.

"Don't fight me, or I'll have to tie you down and I know that you don't want that." Vince said, surprising Stuart by knowing his boundaries without Stuart having to tell him. "You'll take this," Vince said cupping his groin "and you'll enjoy it."

Stuart wriggled again, trying to get free and then surrendered in a show of resignation.

Vince moved back onto his haunches, still sitting over Stuart and let go of his captive's hands, reaching up to unbutton his shirt before sliding it off his shoulders and then starting on his trousers.

Vince pushed them down to his knees but didn't take them off, instead moving Stuart's legs and sliding in beneath him. Stuart, feeling familiar with this position, realised that Vince was going to fuck him and wondered for a moment if Vince would take him dry but he found that Vince had lube and condoms in his hands and realised that his friend must have had them in his pocket.

Vince prepared his way like a pro, knowing just how much lube to apply to Stuart's hole and then slid on a condom and rolled it down his cock before positioning himself at Stuart's opening and using a single thrust to drive home.

Stuart grunted at the intrusion but despite being in the midst of a dominant scene Vince waited until Stuart was happy with the intrusion before he moved. Slowly at first and then growing more bold Vince moved inside him, pushing any worries that Stuart might have had from his mind with each thrush, and making Stuart wonder why they hadn't done this years ago.

"Oh, God." Stuart said as he felt Vince brush his prostate and stars blurred his vision.

"That's right, my little slut, you love this don't you?" Vince asked. "You want this don't you?"

"Yes." Stuart said, feeling a desperation that he hadn't felt in a long time. "Oh. God. Yes."

"You don't get this often do you?" Vince continued. "You need it but you can't ask for it, can you?"

Stuart grunted, forcing himself to steady his breathing and refusing to answer the unspoken question that Vince was forcing him to admit.

"All those men, all those shags but you rarely give them this part of you, do you. Why deny it? Why deny yourself this pleasure?"

Stuart didn't speak.

"Maybe there is a reason." Vince continued. "Maybe you don't really want this. Maybe I should stop."

"God. No." Stuart begged. "Don't stop."

"I always knew you wanted this." Vince said. "I see the way you strut around like you own Canal Street but I know you, Stuart, I know that you're really a bottom boy at heart."

"No."

"Oh, yes. Stuart Alan Jones. You always want people to think that you're in control but that's not what you really want, is it?" Vince said, pushing harder and harder as he fucked Stuart. "You want to be fucked. You want to be made to feel it."

"No."

"You can't deny it Stuart, not with me. I know you." Vince said echoing his words from earlier. "I know you better than you know yourself. I've watched you for years and I know what you really want."

Vince changed his angle slightly, brushing against Stuart's prostate as he did so.

"Please..." Stuart begged as the pleasure built within him.

"Tell me you want it Stuart, tell me that you want this and I'll let you come."

"Yes, Oh, God, Yes." Stuart said as Vince again touched him deeply.

"Come for me, Stuart." Vince said, and as if his words had some physical effect Stuart did and as he did he felt a pressure that he didn't even realise was building inside him release and as he spasmed internally from his release he took Vince with him into the state of climactic bliss.

Stuart lay panting for a moment, wincing slightly with a twinge of pain and then felt a sense of loss as Vince's soft member started to slip from his grasp.

"No." He pled softly as he felt Vince begin to remove himself. He didn't want this to be over.

"Shhh..." Vince said as he stepped back, slid off the condom and pulled his trousers the rest of the way off before rejoining Stuart on the bed. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

"Vince...I..." Stuart said, but was silenced by a soft kiss.

"Just rest for a bit. We'll talk later."

"I don't..."

"Hush now." Vince said. "Sleep."

And with the trust of a child, Stuart did.

***

***

It took Stuart a moment to realise where he was when he woke a few hours later. He was surprised that the party was still going on downstairs and that Vince was still at his side. His friend was laying next to him, a hand stroking slowly through Stuart's hair as he had watched him sleep.

"Morning." Vince said.

"Not yet." Stuart replied with a small smile, feeling only a minute amount of his usual confidence as he found himself in the alien situation, the ache in his arse reminding him of what he might otherwise want to forget.

"You know what I mean." Vince said. "I thought I'd be laughing, that I wouldn't be able to look at you but it turns out that I can't stop."

"I'm gorgeous." Stuart replied, trying to keep things light between them despite the heaviness in his heart.

"Yes." Vince said, placing a sloppy kiss on Stuart's nose. "You are."

"Vince..."

"Stuart..."

They both started at the same time and then laughed at the atmosphere that had grown around them.

"I never thought that I would fuck you in a lesbian's bedroom." Vince said after a moment's silence.

"I never thought you would fuck me." Stuart shared.

"To tell you the truth, neither did I." Vince replied. "I always thought it would be the other way around, but after I saw you last night..."

"Vince," Stuart started, unsure how to continue the conversation. "I never knew you were into...that is..."

"It's okay, Stuart."

"No. It's not." Stuart said. "I don't know what you think but I don't do that. I'm not into that. It all really was for a bet and..."

"It's okay Stuart." Vince said. "It was a fantasy, nothing more. It won't always be like that."

"Then you..." Stuart started, but wasn't sure what he wanted to say.

"Want to do this again?" Vince asked. Stuart swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "You have to be clear about this Stuart. You have to say it. I don't want you to be able to renege on anything afterwards."

"You want to fuck me again." Stuart said, the words costing him as he spoke them.

"If that's what you want." Vince said, clearly trying to hedge his bets and see what it was that Stuart wanted.

"And you'd let me..." Stuart said, being just as cautious as Vince was.

"Fuck yeah." Vince replied with a grin.

Stuart saw the smile and let out a sigh of relief.

There was a brief silence and then he continued.

"Does this mean that we're boyfriends?" Stuart asked.

"Stuart Alan Jones doesn't do boyfriends." Vince replied, the smile the only reason that Stuart knew he was joking and not being serious as he had been the night before.

"Lovers, then."

"Hmmm..."

"What about husbands?" Stuart said, turning to look at Vince and showing that he was serious. He linked their hands so that their bracelets jangled together. "We could get rings that matched."

"Not too sure about that." Vince answered cheekily. "Someone once told me that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend I was looking for a wife."

"Well, I could..." Stuart started.

Vince quieted him with a kiss.

"Husbands sounds good to me."

***

***

Later that day, after all the partygoers had gone, with Alfie safely tucked away in bed and Stuart and Vince off to parts unknown, Romey sat down amongst the abandoned streamers and other birthday detritus and let out a soft sigh. Lisa came to sit next to her and reached for her hand.

"Forty?" Romey said. "Can you believe it?"

"You'll always be twenty-five to me, darling." Lisa replied. "Did you have a good birthday?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah." Romey said.

"And did you like your present?" Lisa asked. "It took me a while but..."

Romey kissed her girlfriend and then moved her head to rest on Lisa's ample bosom.

"I loved it. I can't quite believe you pulled it off, but I loved it."

"I'm glad." Lisa said, not wanting to think what Stuart would have made her do if she had lost the bet.

"I always thought that Stuart would make a good father if he could just settle down..."

"Of course, dear." Lisa said, hoping that her optimistic partner's wishes would all come true.

"Now, about my other birthday wish..." Romey said, but the rest of the words were lost in a kiss. "Let's take this upstairs." Romey said after a moment.

"Not likely. If you want to do this then we're doing it here" Lisa said.

"You don't usually like to do that." Romey argued.

"Well, I don't know about you, but after tonight I'm never sleeping in that bed again."

***

**Author's Note:**

> I borrowed a few scenes and words from the scripts from Season 1 and 2, especially in the first scene.
> 
>  
> 
> Kink Warning: This story contains cross-dressing, some mild d/s and themes that some readers may find disturbing.


End file.
